


Wash Me Clean

by SturgeonSurgeon



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Depressing as fuck, Implied secks, Lots of tears, M/M, but no actual secks, just sadness, pure one shot, slight self abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 22:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10173302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SturgeonSurgeon/pseuds/SturgeonSurgeon
Summary: Ignis awakes after a night of passion with Noctis, only to know that they can't continue this forbidden act.The only way to keep Noctis away was to break his heart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A little writing exercise, purely drabble. Just like my vampire Noctis fanfiction, this too is based off of a song. THE SAME SONG WHAT  
> It's Gasoline, by Troye Sivan, and it's one of my favorite songs. This fic is completely derived from that beautiful song, so if you ever have a moment, please listen to it. Please let me know what you think!

Ignis squinted as the sun glared against his eyelids. He opened his eyes to be met with the view of the sunrise dancing across the room, warm light bathing his skin. He looked to his right to be met with the sight of Noctis still slumbering against him, his chest rising and falling with each gentle breath. Ignis smiled despite the heartbreak eating him from the inside out. He placed a chaste kiss to Noctis' head, before untangling himself to sit up on the edge of the bed. 

 

Ignis sat there as the sunlight warmed his skin, his head hanging as he shut his eyes. He tried to control his breathing, tried to control the urges in his body that wanted him to both run as far as possible and lay back down with the prince. Ignis brought a hand up to run down his face, resting it against his mouth so as not to make too much noise as he let out a light sob. His eyes burned and his heart felt like it had been cleaved in two. 

 

Ignis rose from his seat to stand, his back to the prince as he wrapped an arm around himself in shame. He didn't want to think about last night, about how he'd indulged in Noctis' wants and his own needs. His occupation as his advisor was forfeit; there was no way this could go on. Ignis muffled a cry against his hand as he thought back to the pure euphoria that was being with Noctis, how they had become one under the moonlight, and how now he was left to dry in the sunlight. 

 

"Ignis?" Noctis mumbled from the bed, still half asleep.

 

Ignis turned to face him, sniffling and willing the persistent tears not to fall. "Noctis." 

 

It was all he could say.

 

"Is everything alright?" Noctis sat up, eyes raking over Ignis' hunched form, his crestfallen face.

 

Ignis gave him a meek smile, but couldn't find any words. How could he tell him that no matter how much they'd both loved it, both loved each other, that it could never happen again? 

 

Noctis slid across the bed, rising to stand in front of Ignis. His brows were furrowed with concern, his lips down turned in a small frown. "What's wrong?"

 

Ignis shook his head, trying to will himself to speak, to reassure his worried prince, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to him.

 

Not anymore.

 

"Noctis. We...we shouldn't have...we _can't_ do this." Ignis whispered, eyes unable to meet the prince's blue ones any longer.

 

Noctis' eyes widened in disbelief. The sun cast a warm glow to his pale skin, giving his eyes an iridescent shine. "What do you mean?" he murmured, voice barely audible.

 

Ignis let out a light sigh. His sweet naive prince that he loved so dearly was crumbling in front of him, and the best thing he could do for him was to keep going, keep tearing him down. "This shouldn't have happened."

 

"Do you...do you _regret_ what we did?" Noctis spoke low, insecurity and heartbreak dripping from his voice. 

 

Ignis bit his lip. If he was being honest, he'd never wanted to stop making love to him. If he was being honest, he never wanted to be away from him. 

 

But maybe he shouldn't be honest.

 

"Don't you?" Ignis mumbled, his eyes finally rising to meet the prince's. Noctis' eyes were glistening, tears welling up and begging to fall. 

 

" _No_. Not at all." Noctis whispered, voice cracking and lips trembling. 

 

Ignis stared at him sadly. The only part of him that regretted anything was the reasoning portion of his brain, the one that prodded at him to end it before it even began, the one that he always pushed away. "Noctis. We need to pretend this never happened. If we were ever caught-"

 

"So, we won't get caught!" The prince shouted, as if it were so simple. "Ignis, I can't pretend that I don't feel what I feel for you. I...I love you." Noctis whispered, a blush tinting his cheeks red in he morning sun.

 

Ignis' heart swelled before shriveling. It hurt to breathe, hurt to see, hurt to _be_. He couldn't bear the thought of Noctis wasting his affections on him, on someone he shouldn't, on someone he _couldn't._

 

On someone unworthy.

 

"Noctis. We _can't._ " Ignis whimpered as a tear rolled down his cheek. It was the only time left he'd be able to say that he loved him back, but he knew if he did, he'd never be able to let him go.

 

Noctis shook his head violently, tears falling freely down his face as he took a shaky step back from Ignis. "But..."

 

"I'm sorry." Ignis whispered, shutting his eyes. He couldn't stand seeing his prince so heartbroken, so destroyed. It only made his anxious heart hurt more.

 

Noctis turned away to hide his tears. He didn't say anything more. He didn't need to.

 

"I'll be going." Ignis whispered as he gathered his clothes. He tried not to think about how they had been ripped from his body in passion, and how now they had to be thrown on in despair.

"Ignis, wait." Noctis mumbled between sobs. He turned to face him, his eyes tear swollen and hair ragged. "Is this only because it's forbidden? Or is it because..."

 

Ignis sighed slowly as he closed his eyes. His poor prince thought that Ignis didn't want to be with him for personal reasons, not professional. 

 

But the only way to ensure Noctis wouldn't try to wait for him, wouldn't try to convince him, was to make him believe that.

 

"Both." Ignis whispered, unable to bring himself to completely say it was all because of Noctis. It hurt enough already.

 

Noctis nodded slowly, his heart officially shattered. The one person he'd dared to open his heart for had completely used it and shunned it away. His lip trembled as he fell to his knees, sobs wracking his body. "You don't mean that...you _can't_ mean that!" The prince wailed, denial eating through his heart like a worm in an apple.

 

Ignis fought every fiber in his body that wanted to crumble to the floor, hold his prince, kiss him tenderly whilst begging forgiveness. Ignis took a deep breath as he braced himself to deliver the killing blow. "I do."

 

Noctis sank to the floor, a pitiful, retching mess, the beautiful sunlight a sharp contrast to the sight of the prince curled in a ball, sobbing in agony.

 

Ignis blinked back tears as he made his way out of the bedroom, and out of the apartment. He nearly ran through the lobby to reach the Regalia as quickly as possible. He sped home, tears still obstructing his vision when he finally made it to his apartment. 

 

His eyes were on fire when he finally made it inside, quickly stumbling into the bathroom to throw up in the toilet. Ignis dry heaved over the toilet for long after, the guilt and shame trying to expel itself from within him through bile. 

 

When he'd finally finished, he turned to run a bath, tearing his clothes off weakly as it filled. 

 

Ignis quickly lowered himself into the bath, the water scalding. He winced in pain, but only sank down deeper. He began to scrub and scrape at his skin, wanting to rip the guilt out through his pores. The water was near boiling, his insides feeling heavy and constricted, his breath becoming labored. 

 

If he could, he'd remove his heart to scrub it clean and wash away it's pain.

 

He closed his eyes when his skin became too red to look at. His mind was cruel, and images of Noctis danced across the back of his eyelids; him smiling, him laughing, him moaning, him sobbing-

 

Ignis screamed as he scrubbed his arm until he bled, the water tinging a light pink. Ignis panted heavily, sweat dripping from his forehead into the water, his chest feeling like it was shrinking while his organs were swelling.

 

He pulled the plug on the bath, rising up to towel himself off weakly, barely wincing when he scrubbed over his fresh wounds. He'd deserved them. He'd deserved _worse._

 

Ignis stumbled over to lay in his own bed, the sun still glaring through, demanding him to enjoy it. All he felt was contempt for the world, contempt for himself.

 

The tears came thick and unrelenting, soaking through his pillow as he curled in on himself to sob. His prince, his Noctis, was in the same position miles away, feeling rejected and unloved. Ignis wailed in agony at the thought, his heart burning with each beat. He'd never wanted to hurt Noctis, never wanted him to feel such anguish. He loved him.

 

Ignis cried until he was too dehydrated and too weak to continue. His eyes fluttered shut as he was cursed with nightmares of his handsome prince, his love, curled up in despair.

 

**Author's Note:**

> sooooooo depressssssinggggg  
> As always, comments are immensely appreciated!!


End file.
